I like swirls.
I was just practicing different types but gonna do one big ribbon with the same swirl on each side with some meaningful writing in the middle :)
This book really appealed to me so I started working through its chapters today.
It began by asking very useful questions that I think everyone should take the time to think about their answers to them.
I need to start documenting my life, write down things that make me smile, make laugh, and make me cry.
Things that I want to do, places I want to go, people I want to meet.
The kind of things that I’ll enjoy talking about because they will have changed me in some way: better or worse. It’ll be me.
I am going to try so hard to do this!
Today, for this first time since I came back from Sierra Leone I wrote up part of my journal. It was great to read it over again, brought back everything!! So with a bit of editing and with some pictures thrown in I will share it.
“… wait for the wind to blow down on me, hoping it takes with it my old ways.”
I have always preferred to listen. But for the longest time, it was because I was just too scared to speak. I was afraid that once I opened my mouth, those around me would see that I was hurt. Inside, I held onto the guilt of the person I once was, the choices I once made, and those I hurt along the way.
I used to be selfish. I lied and lived a life separate from the one seen by those who loved me most. I attempted to fill voids with dangerous relationships with people who didn’t have my best interests at heart. I held onto these things for too long, giving them permission to label me as “damaged goods” and unworthy.
So I put up walls—big ones, so tall and so high that it would take a lot for them to fall down.
“Maybe when things turn green again, it will be good to say you know me.”
There are times when you just have to let go, let your walls crumble, and stop listening to the voices of the past—you know, the ones that hold you back. And often, the moment you are willing to let go is the moment just before a miracle happens.
Eventually, I began to value myself enough to leave the past where it belongs and take each new day as it comes. I chose to pursue healing and allow myself the help I deserved. And with my walls down and the past behind me, the present brought good people into my life: parents who love me, friends who understand me, a God who knows my heart. They know my story, but honor the person I am today. They love me for me, and I am thankful.
“Oh, it’s taking so long. I could be wrong, I could be ready.”
We say it often at TWLOHA, but the road to healing can be long. Still, your recovery will always be yours, whether it takes several years or several hours. Those days are yours, and nothing can take them away from you.
It’s been a long time coming, but I think I’ve finally found peace—peace with myself, and peace with where I am. I’m learning to utilize my restlessness and to love and appreciate where I’ve come from, even though I may not always understand it.
To each and every person who has ever felt alone, unloved, overwhelmed, and insignificant, please know that this movement, this moment, is for you. It’s all too easy to buy the lies of the negative voices and to feel engulfed in the darkness of who you were. But the darkness doesn’t last forever.
I am no longer lost, no longer held back; I am free. And I hope you’ll find that freedom too in your own time.
“I’m in repair. I’m not together, but I’m getting there.”